The Language Of Men And Women

This is one of those popular notes passing around on facebook. Couldn't resist sharing this one on the blog though. Enjoy!

Women’s English:

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry

We need = I want

It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to.

I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!

You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat alot.

You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you everthink about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture,and wallpaper…..

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something you’re really not going to like.

I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.

I’m not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up.

Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an asshole.

Men’s English:
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’m hungry = I’m hungry.

I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy.

I’m tired = I’m tired.

Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.

Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.

What’s wrong? = I don’t see why your making such a big deal about this

What’s wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I’m bored. = Do you want to have sex?

I love you. = Let’s have sex now.

I love you, too. = Okay, I said it… we’d better have sex now!

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!

Let’s talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep personand maybe then you’d like to have sex with me.

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
.
(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin’dress and let’s go
home!

I don’t think that blouse and that skirt go well together. = I am gay.

What I've Been Reading Lately...

I've been reading a lot of stuff online the whole of last week and as is wont of me, mostly the paranormal, philosophical and highly dubious pieces of literature having to do with confidence tricks and 'cold reading'. Also read up on some Gnostic gospels, especially a little bit of the 'secret gospel of Mark' and Jesus' 'favourite disciple'. Read a bit on Aleister Crowley, once declared the most evil man on Earth and his big bad 'secret of sex magick'. Yes, i read weird stuff.

I converted some of that reading material into pdf files for those that would wish to read it in a more convenient manner. Here's the link to the philosophy of Carpocrates, a philosophy which has made a very favourable impression on me since the time I've read it. Also one of my all time favourites has to be the deeply philosophical movie series of 'The Matrix', and here's a distillation of the philosophies that went into the movie : the-Matrix-Trilogy-Philosophy.

The other esoteric stuff can be found on google but I suggest you not go looking around for the 'big bad secret of sex magick', for what you will find isn't in the least bit pleasant.

33 Random Questions...

Ok, so I've done random questions twice before, I think, but I just can't seem to tire of them. Here's a bunch of 33 random questions I answer, picked off another blog...

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?

Food? A cuppa tea and 2 slices bread. I'm a light breakfast person.

2. Where was your profile picture taken?

At a party where I only knew 3 people.

3. Can you play the guitar?

No, but if you hum the tune...

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?

I aint naming no one! Ok, it was Ceanne!

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?

Was up till 2 a.m watching Constantine. Nice movie if you're into the whole supernatural, end of the world stuff.

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?

Nope. I love the smell of this city and the people and I think it keeps me sane. Relatively.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?

Yep! New Years 2008! Other times, I don't remember.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on Facebook?

Jarvis I guess. Wow, I never thought of that one before.

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?

HAH! When pigs fly maybe! Which is never.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?

WHO?

11. When was the last time you cried?

Uhm, been a while, probably sometime last month.

12. Who took your profile picture?

Some random stranger.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?

Reagan. Look, do I have to give any more names out?

14. Was yesterday better than today?

Everyday is exactly the same.

15. Can you live a day without TV?

Sure. Now if you ask me if I could live without the computer...

16. Are you upset about anything?

When I'm upset, I quit being upset and be awesome instead. True story.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?

Worth what? Nothing you do in life ever really matters 'cause you're gonna die someday anyway. Wow... I'm really positive today.

18. Are you a bad influence?

Maybe. Maybe not. That's for other's to decide anyway. I just do what I do.

19. Night out or night in?

Night out, some days and night in on other's. I like to keep a balance.

20. What item(s) could you not go without during the day?

My handkerchief. Yeah, some of you'll saw that coming!

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?

"Nuh.not really.ask a friend.is all i cn say!", typed exactly the way i got it.

23. How do you feel about your life right now?

My life's fucked up, but I'm not unhappy...

24. Do you hate anyone?

Uhm, not really. There's two guys I'd like to punch in the face, but that's just 'cause they're assholes and deserve it.

25. If we were to look in your Email inbox, what would we find most?

Spam. Lot's of it.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?

Yep. If you had said TOMORROW, maybe not!

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?

Haha. That'd be the day!

28. What song is stuck in your head?

I'm yours - Jason Mraz. Don't ask me why, I don't really know.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?

I live on the 3rd floor so that'd be a balls-in-the-mouth moment. Last time 'twas the devil who came knocking.

30. Wanna have grandkids before you're 50?

I won't last that long, come to think of it. So, yes, Grandkids before 50 it is! I'd have to marry earlier than 35 though. And that's not the plan right now. Hmm. Can I adopt Grandkids?

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow:

Saturday tomorrow and there's a party tonight so don't think I'll be up before noon. But maybe meet someone I haven't seen in really long. You know who you are.

32. Do you think too much or too little?

Think too much. Always.

33. Do you smile a lot?

Smile and laugh a lot. Helps keep everyone around me happy, although I may not really feel that way, deep inside. Ah, who cares! :D